someone get that fucking seahorse.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
