maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
