You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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