"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
