Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
