she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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