I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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