I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
