need another drink. this is the easiest way
I bet he comes in French.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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