Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
