He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
