Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just got carded by a ten year old.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
