My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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