so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
