Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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