Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
