there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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