she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Alive.
So much puke
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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