hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
