I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I want you more than these girls want KFC
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
