I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
