I cannot find my penis.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
