You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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