I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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