I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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