I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
