Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
