i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
