god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
