Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize