Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
