420 ftw
Is it because I queefed?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
