AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
