It's like God shit irony all over that family
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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