Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
