my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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