Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
