So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
