:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
