..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
