It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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