I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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