Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
That accounts for only three of the penises
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
