Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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