I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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