My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Jerry, you need to find god
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
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You know, be my cock's hype man.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
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SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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