I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
organizing the empties. That sober.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
