Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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