The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
