I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
