Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
this will be a night to untag.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
