I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
How external is "for external use only"?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
