it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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