just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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