oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Acid is not a monday night drug
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
