i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
