I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
