3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
