3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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