last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
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