currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
