About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
