She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
we're making bets on your personal life
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
