shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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