Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
