It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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