My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
