if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I have feelings that need drinking.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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